Ye Olden House
by Igneous Pride
Summary: Just a oneshot me and the Straight Lesbian did a while ago. A typical day at Princeton Plainsboro. Funny in an old English kind of way. Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

This is just a random oneshot me and The Straight Lesbian did a few months ago.

Hope you like.

Disclaimer: We dont own House

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Once upon a time, in a faraway hospital known as Princeton Plainsboro, there be a handsome genius doctor by the name of House.

The team stared at him in confusion

"What are you doing?" asked the elf Taub.

"Narrating" said self procclaimed genius House.

"Well, I think its lupus" said Thirteen, alluring temptress, while ignoring the irratating albeit amusing antics of their Master.

"Its NEVER lupus"exclaimed House."I shall rue the day it be that cursed affliction. Go forth and find out what it is."

Just then, the wicked witch of the establishment walked in, her ass eclipsing the sun.

"House, what are you doing? You still owe me 16 hours of clinic duty." said the witch vehemently.

"Help, save me from the wicked enchantress. Im being drawn into her cleavage; its like a black hole! There is no escape" wailed House halfheartedly.

Nevertheless, he followed the sorceress and her assets out of the room.

"They simply couldnt take the tension any longer and began having rampant sex in the crowded hallway."

"House" said Cuddy warningly.

"I have no control over the story, we must do as it says or be cursed" he replied earnestly.

"By who, I thought I was the wicked witch?"

"Alas, there is one more cursed and annoying than even you, foul one."

"Who?" she enquired

"Whom" he corrected, "We are speaking in Olden"

"Very amusingeth" she sighed.

"Cameron" said he, solemnly. "Our collective conciences, all rolled into one annyoing, fake blond form."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.

"Clinic" she thundered.

And so coerced by the enchantress' spell, House limped away, muttering to himself.

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Co written by the amazingly talented, The Straight Lesbian

Pleasr review


	2. Chapter 2

**This is not an actual chapter Im afraid, my freaky darlings, but an answer to an anonymous review that, how shall I put this, **_**irked **_**me greatly. This anonymous reviewer, known only to us as "Bitch" (her title not mine, check the review page if you do not believe me, in fact check it anyway, the review is quite **_**illuminating**_**), did not seem to understand the point of our little one shot. It was written only for the craic ( that means fun, both of us are Irish), one day while the two of us were bored. She left several questions, that might have offended me greatly, if I didnt have a great sense of humour and found the whole thing funny. So here are the answers to your questions, as I dont have another way to contact you, and since you did take the time to leave a lenghty (albeit negative, and obviously intentionally hurtful) review. But as a writer, I suppose one must get used to it. It annoyed my co writer more than I, and I would like to address each thing you asked. If I have misunderstood any of your questions, please leave me a private message so I can correct it. **

1. For starters, there was not an actual elf in our story. It was just supposed to be a jibe against Taub, who is quite short. It was, we believed, something House would call him, while in the 'old english' persona of this fanfiction. There is no real elf, just like Cuddy was not a witch. The handsome genius and alluring temptress parts, well, I think we can all agree, work. Who doesnt love Thirteen?

2 As for the second question, why is his name House, well, I know _it just is, _is a poor answer but its true. The television show is called House, after House, hence House. I really hope I misunderstood this question.

3 As for the third question, "and why is he old and not like orlando bloom who is the greatest actor on the earth who could play house m bloomey!" (this is copied and pasted word for word, I did not edit this in any way) Its because House is played (fantastically) by the (handsome genius) Hugh Laurie. Admittedly, Hugh is older than. ... well quite a few people, but we all know a silver fox when we see one.(the sexy cane and baby blue eyes... need I say more)

I really have no idea why you asked about Orlando Bloom. If you like him, thats fine, personally, he doesnt do it for me, House has enough man candy to keep my attention. (And the Straight Lesbian is not called that for nothing :-) As far as I know, House and Orlando Bloom have no connection whatsoever, apart from the fact Hugh and Orlando Bloom are both English. As for calling him the "greatest actor on earth" . . . . Ill let whoever reads this make their own minds up about that claim.

**The next round of questions were in reference to my story, The Secret Sister. Admittedly, I would like all reviews to be about the corresponding stories, but what can you do. This story is a crossover of Twilight and Harry Potter, in which Bella Swan is Harry Potters younger sister. I know it has been done before, but I wanted to give it a go. So, 'bitch' your answers-**

1 The timing of Bellas birth is, Ill admit, a little hard to follow. But reading the books, the Potters were murdered on Halloween, when Harry was one. In the Twilight saga, Bellas birthday was in September ie she was only a few weeks old at the time of her 'parents' deaths. I know it is a bit strange, but its fanfiction. You can do what you want with the stories. It doesnt have to make sense. Thats why we love it.

Her parent swould have been in hiding for more than a year, as they went into hiding while Lily was preganant with Harry, if my research is correct. They were a married couple. Im sure in the 18.+ months they were in hiding.. . .well you know.

As for why she was given away, her parents were dead, some of Voldemorts followers would have still been at large, and well, you dont leave a baby with nowhere to go.

I hope this helps you understand, and please, feel free to send me a private message if you have anything further to add. Perhaps if you had left a signed message, I could have found your profile, and looked at your stories. I would have endeavoured to review as enthusiastically as you had mine. Oh well, Ill have to be content with this method of communication. What a pity.

And thank you to all my other reviewers, they were amazing guys. Hope you enjoy mine and the Straight Lesbians work in the future.

Igneous Pride


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